Taylor Swift Piano Covers

I started Ketamine treatment in the summer of 2022, after thinking about it and researching it for several months.  I found a doctor who would prescribe Ketamine to be used at home, supported by regular telehealth check in sessions.  I’d already been diagnosed with PTSD a couple of years prior, but part of the process was another formal diagnosis complete with multiple diagnostic instruments.  Technically, I have CPTSD, but this is not a separate diagnosis in the DSM.  

The next part of the process involves talking in depth about why you’re seeking out Ketamine as a treatment, what is happening for you and what happened in your life.  Then they tell you what to expect, and train you on how to set up your sessions.  You can’t eat for at least four hours.  You should monitor your blood pressure before and after.  You need to be in a dark room, with an eye mask. It’s good to have a candle lit instead of total darkness, though.   Brush your teeth first, use mouthwash.  Drinking hot tea right before you put the medicine in your mouth makes it absorb better. You need an affirmation to use if you find yourself stressed or overwhelmed in a session.    You should have someone present for safety reasons.  You need to take a prescription anti-nauseau drug before you take Ketamine or else you’ll puke all day.  And you need to listen to music.  Preferably calming instrumental music.  

Music works to quiet anxiety, activate certain areas of your brain and provide guardrails in a session.  It took me a while to find the music I liked best.  At first I tried generic nature sounds and then instrumental spa-type music.  Then playlists I found on Spotify that were created specifically for Ketamine treatment sessions.  Then I got into cooler stuff like instrumental Dreampop.  And then I found Taylor Swift Piano Covers. 

The first time I listened to Taylor Swift Piano Covers during a Ketamine session, it was like a nuclear bomb went off. I had my first intense “journeying” experience.  This is when you are completely dissociated and the visualizations take on the aspect of moving you through the landscape you are experiencing, in a way that can feel physical.  It was also very emotional and left me crying.  This turned out to not be a fluke as again and again the sessions where I listened to TSPC were much more impactful and intense than those I had with any other soundtrack.  

Before this, I didn’t have a strong relationship with Taylor Swift.  I’d started listening to the two albums she’d released during COVID, folklore and evermore.  These albums were more indie folk than most of her other music, which was right up my usual alley.  I can appreciate a good pop song, just like anyone else but I’d never really related to the kinds of songs Taylor Swift writes - songs about heartbreak and the standard feminine experience.  Swifties represented the kind of woman who always stubbornly refused to accept me. Vibrant, peppy creatures.  Boy crazy.  Hearts on their sleeves, squealing in excitement with thousands of other Swifties at a concert.  A stark contrast to my usual silent, solitary seriousness.   But nonetheless, Ketamine and Taylor Swift Piano Covers turned me into a Swiftie, too. 

I found myself listening to 1989 and the Red album on my walks and in the car.  The songs unlocked something in me, a kind of carefree, emotionally-open tenderness that I had never allowed myself to experience.  I bought a pair of vintage Celine pink cat eye sunglasses.  Started wearing vibrant lipstick.  Got mad about Jake Gyllenhaal.  Belted out Wildest Dreams at the top of my lungs.  And was moved, as the music moved through me, every time I had a Ketamine session and unpeeled layer after layer of the veneer I’d been using to cover my sensitive heart my whole life.